Hi, it’s Sugar, Ted and Roxanne’s Jack Russell. The most amazing thing happened last night, so I got up before dawn to write about it while I can get on the keyboard. You-know-who doesn’t like to share his computer.
Some folks might wonder how I do that, you know, type on a keyboard without thumbs. Simple. I use my nose on the space bar. Nothing to it, a poodle could figure it out. (For you poodle owners out there, his email address is firstname.lastname@example.org Don’t forget the brownies—that’s a private joke among original readers of this column).
Anyway, I was inspired to write this while it’s fresh on my mind. If you have a dog, you know that never lasts long.
A Dog’s Houseboat Christmas
‘Twas the season of Christmas and all through the boat,
Everybody was sleeping, so these verses I wrote.
The old sock I’d fetched out from under the bed,
Was now thoroughly chewed ‘til the flavor was dead.
Ole Ted lay a’snorin’, Roxanne by his side,
But I was much too excited, couldn’t sleep, tho I tried.
See, Christmas comes just once every year,
And for our Christmas dinner I was thinking of deer.
Although turkey is good, mashed potatoes besides,
And dressing and gravy to warm my insides.
While I lay on the sofa just dreaming of food,
Came a noise from the lake which changed my whole mood.
The motor I heard sounded like a Jesskie,
It was coming in fast, maybe coming for me!
I ran to the window, looked out at the lake,
In the light of the moon, with a silvery wake,
Flew a shiny red Jesskie, a fat man on the seat,
And I wondered who he was coming to meet.
He was driving too fast and I hoped he could swim,
The “No Wake” zone clearly meant nothing to him.
He pulled up to the dock, a big bag on his back,
Got off of the Jesskie and set down the sack.
My ears were straight up, my neck fur it bristled,
I was set to attack when just then he whistled,
He opened the door and gave me a call,
Reached into the bag and like magic…a ball!
Then out came another, and another, three balls!
Enough balls to make anyone bounce off the walls!
He threw one, I chased it, my new bestest friend,
And I hoped this magical night wouldn’t end.
His face was all smiles so I gave it a lick,
And I figured it out, this must be St. Nick!
Since my tail’s always ready I gave it a wag,
He smiled and reached once more into his bag.
Came out with some bacon and to please him I ate it,
And as a joke, broccoli, which I ignored cuz I hate it.
When he turned to the Jesskie I hoped for a ride,
But he just patted my head and said, “Happy Yuletide!”
Then he walked to the ‘Ski with a fat jolly waddle,
Started it up and opened the throttle.
And I heard him exclaim as he sped ‘cross the water,
“Be a good doggie, Sugar, and do just what you oughter!”
He waved one more time and called me by name,
Now Christmas will never again be the same.
I gave a quick bark of goodbye to my friend,
And he splashed out of sight as he rounded the bend.
This year if you can, go on out to the boat,
And discover the wonder of Christmas afloat!
When my People wake up they won’t believe me,
But the three magic balls? They’re right here to see!
Until the next time I’m on the ‘puter alone,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a steak bone!